my life with mary

Re: Marian Spirituality, Personal Testimony
Fr: Rayco, D. (2007 May). http://filipinopsychologist.blogspot.com

MY LIFE WITH MARY (I)

Part I: My Marian Roots

"And Mary said '.... Surely, from now on all generations will call me blessed;'" - Lk 1: 46, 48

I grew up in a family atmosphere where the Catholic faith was kept alive through such traditions as praying the rosary. Both my father's and mother's side contributed in the laying down of the foundations of my Marian devotion.

I have a paternal aunt who is a Dominican sister (Sor Lorenza Regorgo, OP, who already celebrated her golden anniversary as a religious) who I remember as a young child vividly at one time unabashedly led the praying of the Holy Rosary in the car going from Legaspi City where we lived to Oas, Albay, the hometown of both my parents. Praying the rosary was very much part of their congregation's spirituality.

Oh, by the way, I was named after my father, Domingo. It means "Sunday" in Spanish. It is also the name of the founder of the Dominican order, Sto. Domingo de Guzman who is largely credited for spreading the devotion to the Holy Rosary. What I clearly remember about him is that he would pray the rosary every time he would offer Mass and preach. He asked for the guidance and intercession of the Mother of Jesus in preaching against the heresies (false doctrines) of his time, which was his mission. Thus, they were called the "Order of Preachers" (OP).

Whenever I could, in the recent years, I would attend (or more properly "offer" with the main celebrant, as one recent retreat master said) Mass at the Sto. Domingo church in Quezon City during my birthday to ask for the intercession of my assigned patron saint, to get re-connected with him, and together to go to Mama Mary to thank Jesus for another year and to seek for guidance and blessings for another year in this journey called life. The church would always be "royally" decorated as it is the month of the rosary, October. Oh, yes, my birth date also falls on the day after Our Lady of Fatima's sixth and last apparition on October 13, 1917 to three children (Lucia, Jacinta and Francisco) in Portugal where the Blessed Mother identified herself as "Our Lady of the Rosary."

On my mother's side, which was matriarchal (in the sense that my Grandma held more influence than my Grandpa through socio-economic status), I also vividly remeber my Grandma leading us to prayer in her old Spanish-style house in Oas, Albay in Spanish!!! That was the language in which the Catholic faith was brought to the Philippines and the language in which prayers like the rosary were said during my Grandma's time. Although I could not follow as a child, we were required to also kneel and be reverent. Eventually, I did learn the prayers in Spanish (and Latin!) in my first year High School at St. Gregory the Great Seminary in Tabaco, Albay. The image of Our Lady with outstretched arms with rays (symbolizing graces) coming from her hands (I believe this is the Lady of the Mirculous Medal) enclosed in glass on which we prayed is still in our house today (where my Mom lives) in Pag-asa, Quezon City.

Speaking of the Miraculous Medal, my paternal aunt (Auntie Manay) was a devotee of this icon and would travel all the way from Bicol to visit the Vincentian church in Manila (opposite Adamson University).

Although my father was not what you would call a "religious" person, one of my vivid memories about him is that before I left for my Overseas Training Program in Taiwan in 1986 as an SVD seminarian then, he handed me over a Marian medal that was his. He asked me to keep it, saying that on it was the image of "Nuestra Señora del Salvacion" (Our Lady of Salvation) which was made in order to commemorate a religious event (I forgot what) in Bicol. Unfortunately, I don't know where it is now. Speaking of my father, he died after I came back from Taiwan as a lay person. On that day, (August 30, 1989) he uncharacteristically went to church to attend Mass in the parish church near our house. Being a Wednesday, the Mass was with the novena to our Lady of Perpetual Help. Putting these events together, I hypothesize, my father must have been assisted by Our Lady of Salvation at the "hour of his death" to his eternal salvation.

Again, speaking of medals, I also vividly remember having been given by my mother a gold medal with the image of the Blessed Mother during elementary which I proudly wore in school. However, my Mom eventually took it back because people remarked it looked like one designed for ladies and was dangerously expensive.

During the month of October at one point, I remember that we were led to praying the rosary in school. It must have been in our religion class. Our School Director was Fr. John Chang (now Monsignior), a rare pure Chinese diocesan priest who established St. Jude Catholic School of Lepaspi City, a Filipino-Chinese school from scratch. My mother wanted us to be enrolled in this school I think because, aside from the availability of a school bus, we have Chinese ancestry. That also explains why I was inspired to volunteer for the Overseas Training Program in Taiwan.

Although praying the rosary at home was not done daily, it was done when my Mom had the time and on special occasions as the annual renewal of Family Consecration to the Sacred Heart of Jesus when all the family members gathered around the family altar. The consecration prayer was preceded by the praying of the rosary. Like my maternal Grandma, my Mom would lead the praying on her knees, regardless of her tiredness or age. My Mom, convinced about the practice, still continues to lead us in prayer by taking advantage of our annual Christmas or New Year's family reunion.

Although we sort of criticize the way the rosary is said so speedily and mechanically, as Mom must have modeled after Grandma, the good intention and the very act itself left an impression on me. Behavioral psychologists tell us that it is the "doing" and not so much the "saying" that more powerfully inculcates values.

MY LIFE WITH MARY (II)

Part II: My Protector from Evil

"The LORD God said to the serpent, '.... I will put enmity between you and the woman, and between your offspring and hers; he will strike your head, and you will strike his heel.'" - Genesis 3: 14-15

A. Teachings

"Ad Jesum per Mariam" (To Jesus through Mary). This slogan seems to be very applicable in my case.

In one of the homilies I heard at Sto. Domingo parish in Quezon City during the month of the Rosary (October), the priest said that from afar, it's difficult to see the child Jesus, but it's very easy to spot Mary, the Mother. And, if we just keep our sights on her and follow the path that leads to her, we will eventually and invariably find Jesus with her. This is physically very true in a big church like Sto. Domingo. I also heard it from someone in the past, probably from our Spiritual Director in my Legion of Mary days, that Mary is like a mirror that reflects not herself but Jesus / God.

Although if I were to live my live over again, I may not necessarily choose to enter the seminary, I am very thankful that my spiritual ties with Mary deepened in my 12 years of training under priests and religious. And, the more I encountered evil, the stronger I clung on to her and sealed my love and loyalty to the Queen of Heaven.

I quoted Genesis 3:15 above because I like the image of Mary with Jesus stepping on the head of the serpent that we see in the churches. I've also heard or read it somewhere that EVA (Eve) in the Old Testament has become AVE (as in "Ave, Maria") in the New Testament in the same way that the old Adam has become the new Adam (Christ) in the New Testament (cf.: Romans 5:12-21). As though to confirm what I just said above, this passage of St. Paul to the Romans says: "but where sin increased, grace abounded all the more" (Rom 5:20).

I just remembered again one story. I can't accurately recall the details, but the essence of it is that contrary to out thinking that evil is kept out of the seminary, this saint in the story said that in fact he saw more devils roaming around the compound of the seminary because it is a strategic place to attack. It's like the US bombing of Hiroshima and Nagasaki in World Ward II targeting military installations and camps which ultimately decided the victor.

Going back to Mary's role in Jesus' mission to defeat evil in the world, I like Mel Gibson's depiction of Mary in Jesus' suffering in the movie "The Passion of the Christ." The most memorable scene in the movie for me is Jesus carrying the cross on the way to calvary with Mary walking along on one side and the serpent in human form on the other with the devil's sarcastic look and sneer on his face across the street to Mary, the Spotless One. This, for me is the realization of the Old Testament prophecy in Genesis 3:15: "'I will put enmity between you (the serpent) and the woman ....'"

Mary, Immaculate Spouse of the Holy Spirit, pray for us.

MY LIFE WITH MARY (III)

Part II: Protector from Evil

“Lucia [visionary of Our Lady of Fatima] said Mary asked them to say the Rosary every day, reiterating many times that the Rosary was the key to personal and world peace." - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Our_Lady_of_Fatima#_note-7, accessed 2007 May 01

B. Application (1): Sexual Improprieties

I learned from talks on relationships, especially from the Couples' groups of the Renewal Movement that there are three distinct stages in marriage: (1) illusion (honeymoon), (2) disillusion, and (3) real love. In my experience and reflections, I find these three present in most long-term relationships. I think I also went through these stages, somehow at some level, in my journey into the religious life.

In my 12 years of stay in the seminary, I have met priests, lay teachers, and fellow seminarians who were mostly a good influence to me. And I thank them and God for this rare privilege! There were, however, a number who, sad to say, were a bad influence. The sex scandals that have plagued the US seminaries and religious institutions in recent years have their own local versions in the Philippines, perhaps only lesser in frequency and intensity and / or are perhaps just better kept secret in contrast to the supposedly more open attitude of the West toward the matter. In all the instances where these "scandals" happened during my time, starting High School, I firmly believe the Blessed Mother protected me with her maternal mantle of love and purity.

It is in this context (without going into details lest I create more scandal) that I made a personal vow to pray the Most Holy Rosary daily, as much as possible. Fr. Robert DeGradis, SSJ said that in life we make private "vows" that shape our lives. Some of these are constructive, others destructive. This is one example, as far as I'm concerned, of a largely constructive private "vow." I am sharing this not to sound self-righteous but to speak the truth (which sets us free, cf.: Jn 8:32 "... and the truth will make you free.") that I am part of the evil happening in my surrounding (wherever I am) either as an active participant of a passive observer unless I do something about it within my own sphere of influence, however limited it may be.

In the novitiate, I was attracted to and became a member and then the president of the Legion of Mary Preaesidium, Mary, Mother of the Divine Word. One of our patrons in the Legion is St. Louis Marie de Montfort. Just last Thursday (May 17, 2007), I tried to search for internet material under his name since I saw in the Bible Diary that it was his feast day last April 28. I just found another affirmation of my experience from his spirituality. It said, "Devotion to Mary is a means to the end [i.e., our ascent to God], and indeed only one among several means to the acquisition of divine Wisdom, although 'the greatest means of all, and the most wonderful of all secrets for obtaining and preserving divine Wisdom' (St. Louis Marie de Montfort, "The Love of Eternal Wisdom" 203) percisely because she was the means chosen by God for bringing into being his plan of love." (Monfort Missionaries, 2001. "A synthesis of Montfortian spirituality", http://www.montfort.org/English/SpiritLM.htm) As these series of biographical entries will testify, Mary became the means God must have chosen for bringing into being his plan of love for me, personally. "'Happy, indeed sublimely happy, is the person to whom the Holy Spirit reveals the secret of Mary, thus imparting to him true knowledge of her." (St. Louie Marie de Montfort, "The Secret of Mary" 20, Ibid.)

When I finally left the religious life (under temporary vows) at age 26, after coming to a conscious awareness and what I consider a courageous decision that I was peaceful but not happy inside, I also praise and thank the Lord through the help of the Blessed Mother for making me generally keep my morals as a Catholic. Again, I have to admit that I am part and parcel of the evil that happened and is happening around me, but as a fellow ex-seminarian jokingly remarked in one informal reunion years back, because of our seminary training, we commit sin but in a "controlled" or modulated way. We all laughed because I think we could all somehow relate. On the other hand, this is not to say that sin is acceptable. It only highlights the fact that as human beings, we all have our own human frailties which the saints also faced and struggled with and triumphed over in the end.

Mary, Immaculate Spouse of the Holy Spirit, pray for us.

MY LIFE WITH MARY (IV)

Part II: Protector from Evil

"Our Queen, our Mother, remember we are your very own. Defend and protect us as your personal possession." – Angelus Prayer

B. Application (2): Voyeurism Case

Some years back, I read a newspaper (Philippine Daily Inquirer) article about the reported apparition of the Blessed Mother to Sister Teresita Castillo in the Carmelite convent in Lipa, Batangas, Philppines. I also heard some colleagues, like Malou or Maria Lourdes (Is it a coincidence that her name is Marian? One wonders.), who have visited the place and know the story behind. At this time in my life, I felt I needed to give in to my curiosity and was I think a bit getting tired about work routine. Thus, all alone, I decided to go on a personal pilgrimage early one Saturday morning to the convent without knowing exactly where the buses were supposed to stop. I asked around and the people knew the famous convent.

I spent practically the whole day in the church -- praying the rosary, attending mass, reflecting, thinking, looking around, just resting -- trying to listen to what the Lord might be trying to tell me. I even included fasting to my prayer and reflection. Towards the afternoon, it was very quiet as there were times I was the only person in church. I moved to the right side where the statue of Our Lady, Mediatrix of All Grace was, a replica of the apparition image which the Blessed Mother asked to be made (see left side of this website for the actual picture I took). It was admiringly adorned with white and yellow flowers even if it was an "ordinary" day. With nothing particular to do, I prayed the 4 sets of mysteries of the rosary. Later in the afternoon, it began to drizzle. Still, nothing "special" happened. Perhaps, I was expecting something extraordinary because of what I read about the apparition.

I finally decided it was time to go home as it would take at least 2 hours of travel back home. On my way out, on the right side of the compound were some sayings or quotes. One particularly struck me. It said more or less like this: "The way to peace is through conflict." At initial glance, "peace" and "conflict", I thought, were diametrically opposed! I just kept the intriguing thought in my heart, probably like Mary when she treasured all the events surrounding Jesus' birth in her heart amidst the contrasting poverty and simplicity on the one hand and the glory of the choirs of angels singing as reported by shepherds, on the other (Lk 2:19).

Little did I know, some time later, when I was back to work, a colleague from another department whom I didn't even know personally accused me of being a Peeping Tom on her. Although she was not very sure of it, she wrote an email to my immediate superior and our division superior created an investigation committee. Although I kept externally calm throughout, especially since my conscience was clear, it was psychologically, sociologically, and spiritually excruciating. Much later, I remember seeing on TV the late Joseph Cardinal Bernardin of Chicago being interviewed about a legal case of sexual harassment against him by a former seminarian which eventually turned out to be a false accusation. He said it was one of the most agonizing moments of his life and identified with Jesus as he prayed the Sorrowful Mysteries of the Holy Rosary, especially the "Agony in the Garden". At that time, I felt the same, somehow.

I thank my family and colleagues for all their prayers and moral support for me during this time. At one point, I became physically sick just going through the turmoil. I felt the full support of my wife Carol who cried the first time she heard about it.

I had wanted the whole story to be as anonymous as possible to protect the personal identities of the people concerned, but since I would like to publicly honor specific individuals, I'd like to mention three significant people who I felt acted in behalf of the Blessed Mother for me: Dr. Estrellita V. Gruenberg, Mrs. (now Dr.) Flora Dy-Calleja, and a cleaning lady I only came to know as "Aling Maria" (Again, was the name coincidental?)

Dr. Gruenberg was my College Dean at that time. I will never forget the scene when she personally came to my Counseling room, sat down, sincerely looked at my eyes and said, "Jun, I'd like you to take this in stride." I, the Counselor, became the Counselee in my own Counseling room. Mrs. (now Dr.) Calleja was my Department (Counseling) Head. I can proudly say that of all my professional superiors, I felt she gave me the most trust, confidence, and faith all throughout her short term even before this incident happened. Her presence was enough consolation for me. Most importantly, this unknown and seemingly insignificant cleaning lady (named after the Blessed Mother herself!!!) was an indirect key in the solving of the case. Aling Maria coincidentally (or more properly, "providentially") saw me with the "investigating team" go to the "crime scene". Spontaneously, she self-confidently related to the investigators that she would see a male Chinese-looking guy come out of the Ladies' comfort room but that he definitely wasn't me! Although the "investigators" only used the physical evidence of the impossibility of the incident given my height and weight and the time of the incident in the official report, Aling Maria's unofficial testimony was pivotal, I believe. During this period, one day, I saw Aling Maria kneeling on one of the pews in the small chapel. That was the most concrete sign for me that she was God-sent, i.e., that the Blessed Mother was acting in my defense against evil.

Last, but not least, I'd like to also honor my mother-in-law Mama Lily (Librada Quilantang-Uno) and my dissertation mentor Dr. Alexa Priela-Abrenica as among the Godly and courageous women God used in the defense of the truth (Again, the truth will set us free, Jn 8:32). Mama Lily responded to my Vice Dean's inquiry about the time I was home during that fateful day. Dr. Abrenica was asked by the Dean to be part of the investigation team and also gave me unswerving support, although she had to show impartiality throughout.

I wanted to write next "needless to say" because throughout my stay in the University, these two lovely colleagues were always true, faithful, supportive, and most importantly, very prayerful: Mrs. Regina Andrade-Munson and Mrs. Marissa Caluyong-Pascual. They were my prayer warriors. The best!

Oh, on the legal side, I did consult Atty. (now Quezon City Judge) Joseph Asis and Atty. Tyrone Cimafranca, both fellow ex-SVD seminarians who both gave me not only free legal advice, but moral support as well.

Unfortunately, I cannot mention all the "supporting cast" but I'd just like to put "on record" the goodness of the people I mentioned above to serve as the expression of my never-ending gratitude and as a living testimony of the power of God's love and the Blessed Mother's courageous fight against all forms of evil. (The heroines in the Old Testament like Judith, as quoted above, are considered as types or figures of the New Testament Mary.)

I pray that none of you reading this have to go through the same ordeal, but I believe that the moral of the story is that no matter what happens, the Blessed Mother will not abandon us, especially if we remain true to the truth! "Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I fear no evil...." (Psalm 23:4) In Filipino, we say, "Walang iwanan." (Losely translated: "No abandonment.") [I remember the late Jaime Cardinal Sin, Archbishop of Manila, Philippines, saying this, too.]

PS: I have since asked my wife Carol to buy a statue of Our Lady, Mary, Mediatrix of All Grace from the Carmelite Convent in Lipa (while I was here in Dubai working as an OFW) which is now prominently displayed in the porch of our humble Montalban house (see background of the picture on the left of this website titled "My Archangels") as a living reminder that indeed, Mary is the Mediatrix of All Grace (cf. Ex.: Jesus changes water to wine in Cana through Mary's intercession, Jn 2:1-12) (despite the fact that this title is not yet officially proclaimed to date by the Vatican).

Mary, Immaculate Spouse of the Holy Spirit, pray for us.

MY LIFE WITH MARY (V)

Part II: My Protector from Evil

“Que soi er immaculada concepcion.” (“I am the Immaculate Conception.”)
-- Our Lady of Lourdes to St. Bernadette Soubirous, March 25, 1858

Application (3): A Spiritual Entity

Some years back, when my elder brother Benny was building his own house at NIA Village in Tandang Sora, Quezon City, something unusual started to happen. I was informed by his wife Ruth that their daughter Monique (Dominique, my namesake) began to tell her about an imaginary friend she had been conversing with. This was especially so after she and her older brother Benjie would play on the land on which their future house was being built. We were also living in the same Village at that time. I did not really bother to go and see, but they said there was an anthill or a mound of earth somewhere there. We have a mythological expression in Filipino, “nuno sa punso” (lose translation: “an ancestral spirit in the mound of earth”), perhaps something like the leprechaun in the west. The old people, especially in the provinces, are said to believe that invisible entities live in places like this. Not having seen one myself, I would just usually shrug it off as myth.

Ruth, my sister-in-law, made me understand that she could clearly distinguish between Monique’s having an imaginary play with an imaginary friend and one that seemed real as Monique would point to a specific place where she saw her invisible “friend.”

To be able to quickly diagnose and solve the problem, I called up Ate Baby Dirige, my Catholic lay spiritual guide who has the Charismatic gift of discernment of spirits. She apparently inherited this from her ancestors. Immediately, she “sensed” and confirmed the truth about the spiritual entity. We set up a schedule to have her picked up to do something about the issue.

On the day when Ate Baby came, I did not go near the place for fear of the unknown. After they came back, Ate Baby recommended that (1) the children stay away from the place until the house construction was completed, and (2) for her to “bless” the place after completion to just do it once and for all and to include the finished house. Then, the official blessing by my elder brother priest Bet (Fr. Vic) could follow.

Before leaving, Ate Baby prayed over Monique and the whole household and I saw her off. Then, I went back home, which was just the next block. In the evening, my wife Carol, who also has a “third eye” (I prefer to call it the Holy Spirit’s gift of spiritual discernment in the context of the Catholic Renewal Movement since it fits in with my spiritual framework) sensed “someone” in spiritual form in the house in the room that was not lighted. She saw “it” in a shadowy form. She also “inherited” this ability or gift from her maternal grandmother who was able to see spirits.

Since Carol could usually “sense” whether the psycho-spiritual state of a person or being is “heavy” or “light”, especially spirits, I asked her whether she sensed it to be “heavy” or “evil” and she said “yes.”

Being an ex-seminarian and a “Charismatic” with a ready holy water blessed by the priest, I started praying in Jesus’ name and sprinkling holy water around the house while praying “in tongues” (or praying in the Holy Spirit, one of the Charismatic gifts, which I received while attending the Life in the Spirit Seminar in our parish, Our Lady of Hope in Pag-asa, Quezon City). After the ritual, I asked Carol for her spiritual sensing again. Her response was still positive.

My instinctual reaction was to call Ate Baby again. But then, Carol and I did not want to bother her unnecessarily for the second time in a day and it was already dark.

Suddenly, I remembered my seminary days when a classmate, Paul Mayor (now a priest in the US) narrated how they “exorcised” a girl in Mindoro during their summer camp there by merely placing a rosary on the hands of the possessed and by reverently praying the rosary as a group.

So, I called Carol and my kids (who are named after the Archangels) to the living room, lighted a candle, and reverently prayed the Holy Rosary. After reciting the 5 decades, I asked Carol again for “sensing” or discernment. The response this time was negative. We did it … with Jesus through Mary!

This particular incident strengthened my personal vow and resolve to continue the practice of daily praying of the rosary, as much as possible.

PS: When I narrated the incident to Ate Baby afterwards, she said she should have prayed over me too for “shielding” before she left, for my protection.

MY LIFE WITH MARY (VI)

Part III: Mediatrix of All Grace

"When the day of Pentecost had come, they were all together in one place." – Acts 2:!

Application (1): Spiritual Healing

In 1994, as a graduate student in Counseling Psychology, we were informed by our professor Dr. Ma. Teresa Gustilo-Villasor (again, "Maria" as if it's a clue to a trail I'm being led to) [or "Dido" for short] that she gets invited to occasionally conduct workshops at the Cenacle House of Prayer at Katipunan Street in Diliman, Quezon City (opposite Ateneo de Manila University) and that she would be conducting one on "Jungian Dream Interpretation" soon. So, on the first weekend of July of that year, I went I was the only one in our class to come, as far as I can recall. This was the time in my life when I wanted to find out as much as I could about myself, my psyche and aabout psychology. It was a live-in workshop.

We were assigned to small dormitory-type rooms by gender. For one reason or the other, only tow of us "reported for duty" in our room, i.e., the other male occupants did not arrive. They must have backed out at the last minute.

As if by design of God, I was assigned with a guy named Gaine Dusaban. In the evening of the first day, before sleeping, we got to introduce ourselves to each other on the surface level. I found out he was in the Charismatic Renewal Movement.

During the day's morning session, Gaine was so interested, he was seated in front. i think it was at the start of the whole program when Dido started asking the participants why they came. I vividly remember Gaine giving an unusual answer. He said that he discovered he had the gift of interpretation of dreams (like Joseph in the bible) in that whenever people tell their dreams, he just knows intuitively the meaning. Dido said that this is an intuitive way of understanding dreams that does not necessarily need the analysis that we were to study.

In the evening, in our room, Gaine explained to me in detail how (like Joseph in the Bible) he was able to interpret dreams prophetically, i.e., things he said took place in reality. Years later, I chanced upon a dream interpretation book in one of the Book Sale outlets classifying dreams and one of these in “prophetic” dream (Other dreams may just be caused by anxieties or worries during the day. Others may have a message from the unconscious, and so on.) He also shared with me some of his “missionary” journey sand trials (like St. Paul).

In the process of his self-revelation, I started to trust him. Because of his sharing on the Charismatic gifts, including healing, I shared with him my flat-footed condition causing pain on my heels when I walk. Actually, I have been wearing an arch support for my feet for quite some time then, as recommended by the Orthropedic doctor I consulted. He spontaneously, but matter-of-factly suggested we meet during the break time on our last day.

During that break time, we met in our room as agreed upon. Gaine asked me to kneel down and in my heart, ask for forgiveness from God and people I have hurt and to forgive people who have hurt me. Then, he prayed over me. He asked me to stand and stretch my arms as far as I could reach them. He remarked that they were not of equal length and prayed to God to make them equal. I did not totally agree with him, keeping a skeptical stance, but I was desperate for healing and decided to believe in him and in what divine assistance he could possibly offer. Then, he let me sit down and stretched my feet and prayed over them as with my arms. After the ritual, he asked me to walk without my arch support and inquired whether it was still painful. I said, there was still some pain, but no longer as painful as before. Gaine led in praying a simple thanksgiving prayer to God through Jesus in repeated fashion. I had a “heady” feeling, as though I was half dreaming and half in reality after the event. Keeping my faith in God, I kept on praying and hoping that the pain would completely subside. Looking back, I must have prayed, "Lord, I believe you; but, please help my lack of faith" (cf.: Mark 8:24). I needed it because I commuted daily to work via the LRT (Light Rail Transit) station at Monumento in Kalookan City. In faith, I set aside my arch support and after some weeks, the pain completely subsided and I never returned back to my Orthropedic doctor. This was also the stage in my life (post-religious life years) when I was re-evaluating my PERSONAL FAITH in the Lord. Perhaps, the Lord's answer to me was: "... then believe me because of the works themselves" (John 14:11).

I never personally saw Gaine again as he was moving around a lot. I think I got to talk to him a few more time over the phone after this when he was in Manila. Years later, I saw him on TV being interviewed during Holy Week. I pray Lord, for Gaine, his family, and his ministry. Please embrace him in the abode of Your Most Merciful Heart.

PS: I quoted Acts 2:1 above because it was at Cenacle that the Apostles awaited the coming of the Holy Spirit (Pentecost) and tradition tells us that Mary must have been there with them, encouraging and binding the frightened apostles together as a mother would. Recently, as I researched on St. Louis Marie de Montfort (May 19, 2007), I found this quote from him: "God has decided to begin and accomplish his greatest works through the Blessed Virgin" (True Devotion to the Blessed Virgin, 15, as quoted in http://www.montfort.org/English/SpiritLM.htm). I take it as a form of confirmation of my connection of my healing with the Blessed Mother.

PS 2: Last night (May 10, 2007), I saw a program on Discovery Channel – Science on the “placebo effect,” i.e., the power of suggestion. Now, I ask: Is this experience just an example of the so-called “placebo effect”? I respect the opinions of my readers here, but as far I was and am concerned, it was Gods first physical healing miracle in my life.
PS 3: Today’s (Sep 10, 2007) Gospel (Lk 6:6-11 “the man with a withered hand”) all of a sudden reminds and somehow confirms my healing, especially Lk 6:10 “… he said to him, ‘Stretch out your hand.’ He did so, and his hand was restored.”

Our Lady ,Mary, Mediatrix of All Grace, pray for us.

MY LIFE WITH MARY (VII)

Part III: Mediatrix of All Grace

Application (2): Office Politics I

“He has brought down the powerful from their thrones, and lifted up the lowly;” – Luke 1:52

Before actually writing this section, I was asking myself where I got my strong convictions for justice and one person popped up in my mind – my eldest brother whom we just call respectfully as “Manoy” in Bicol (with accent on the first syllable). He pursued law at midlife and is now a practicing lawyer. Of course, my formation in the family and the seminary helped a lot, too. I remember that my highest grades in Philosophy were in Episttemology, the philosophical study of truth. I realized through the years that truthfulness is one of my core values.

In 2003, I was terminated from full-time employment together with two other colleagues for reasons of “redundancy.” I had been working in this institution for the past nine years. Previous to this event, I sand my colleague, Lolong, were officers of the Faculty Association, both as Secretary for a term each. During our time, the idea of forming a faculty union was at its height. As far as I am concerned, I believe there is a significant relationship between my employment termination and the impetus for unionization (which, by the way, never materialized).

I joined this high profile “world-class” institution for (1) prestige, (2) money, and (3) career development (specifically, the opportunity to facilitate completion of my PhD which was already half-way through at that time). Previous to this, I was in a clinical setting, my first and last love (!) but gave it up for “greener pastures.”

In my last years in this institution, I knew I was in danger of harassment and / or eventual “expulsion” because of my active involvement in the unionization process, as was evidenced by harassment of other interim officers of the union that was being formed. But I decided to choose what I saw as a fight for justice and truth. Moreover, deep within me, although I was performing well (since I was being consistently promoted to the next higher rank every year) based on performance ratings and scholarly output) I felt I was no longer happy. I felt somehow, that this was not a permanent place for me to be in. Internally, I thought my clinical inclinations and skills were not being fully utilized and developed. Externally, I thought, the rich students of the institution could easily afford clinical psychology and psychiatric services outside. These clinical services were not expected of us in this setting as we were paid to take care of the healthy majority population. In the end, I had to give justice to myself, professionally.

Initially, Administration asked Lolong and I (meanwhile, the other colleague decided to resign) to move to the Center for Social Concern and Action (COSCA). In hindsight, as I write this now, I’m thinking, perhaps they wanted us to use our “social action” energies to fight social ills outside the walls of the institution, but not against their very own acts of injustice towards the other members of the community (internal). Lolong and I felt it was a demotion of some sort. Moreover, we felt we would be doing injustice against our profession and against the social work profession as well if we conceded to the transfer.

Although Lolong and I sought legal advice (initially accompanied by Cecil Crudo, a fellow “fighter” colleague: Thanks Cecil!), we realized it would take a lot of our resources – both monetary and time and energy – to fight a big and rich institution. And if legal battle ensured, it was expected to take years to resolve. And, our time was running out in looking for other employments and in putting our lives back on course toward the future. Thus, we both decided to let bygones be bygones in order to be able to “travel light” towards the future.

What are the blessings amidst the trials of this period in my life?

(1) Because we did not give in to the pressure to resign, we were terminated, thus, given separation pay according to Philippine Labor Law. I used the money for down payment for a low-cost house in the quite remote mountains of Montalban. Up to this point, after seven years of marriage, we still did not have our own house. I also bought a third-had 1981 model box-type Mitsubishi Lancer offered to me by Lolong before he left for the US, which we used to transport our parish priest to our village once a month to offer mass.

(2) We were able to detect the subtle workings of evil in a highly respected institution and know people, otherwise decent, who can willingly cooperate in the staged process of deception and how power can corrupt people and the institutions they run.

And, (3) I was given a graceful and self-respecting exit out of a job I know I did not want to be permanently in.

Lest I come across as self-servingly too self-righteous, I have to admit as I mentioned above that I myself was “blinded” by the tempting appeal of prestige and money and career advancement – the motives behind my joining the institution in the first place.

Where does the Blessed Mother come into the picture? All the while, I have clung on to her maternal protection and guidance in and out of trials like this one, asking her to intercede for me to her son Jesus, the Sun of Justice.

Our Lady, Mary, Mediatrix of All Grace, pray for us.

MY LIFE WITH MARY (VIII)

Part III: Mediatrix of All Grace

“he has filled the hungry with good things, and sent the rich away empty.” – Luke 1:53

Application (2): Office Politics II

On December 8, 2004 (Feast of the Immaculate Conception) at around 11:30 PM (midnight), while I was fast asleep with my family in the quiet barrio (village) of San Jose, Montalban, Rizal, I received a long distance call form Duabi, United Arab Emirates. It was Lolong, my “co-conspirator” in my former office (see previous section). He said his boss wanted to interview me over the phone now! That was how I was hired as Senior Consulting Psychologist in this desert land I never dreamed nor desired to be in.

I attribute the blessing of this job to the intercession of the Blessed Mother, obviously because of the “coincidental” date of the call, although this was not in the consciousness of both Lolong and his boss, a non-practicing Christian. Months before, I’ve been in constant email communication with Lolong and his boss, processing my application. Several times, dates and specific times were set for the interview but did not push through, leaving me frustrated every time. Thus, the “prefect timing” had to come at the “last minute” on the day of the patrol feast of the Philippines.

After the blessing came the trials. My wife was seven months pregnant with our fourth child, Daniele Hope. When asked when I would be available, I said April 2005 (in my mind, I though, my wife Carol would have already borne our one and only daughter). However, I was informed by Edna (pseudonym), the boss and owner of the newly established consultancy firm, that the job opening was in need of immediate hiring and that if I were not immediately available, she had other applicants to consider. Hearing this, I immediately said I could re-consider the date.

And so, I resigned my fate. Carol and I reluctantly agreed to prioritize the job over family, this time. We told our young children (ages 8, 6 and 4) I would try to find out first the possibility of bringing the whole family to Dubai. I arrived in Dubai on the late evening of February 24, 2005.

During my first week, I found out Edna had a “volcanic” temper which would explode without warning. She can be verbally abusive. She is also clearly narcissistic and as time went on, I realized she had not much to offer professionally. However, her greatest asset seems to be her natural ability to intuit the personalities of people at first glance. As psychologists, we identified sense of control as one of her core issues in life. When it comes to money, she needed to be in full control. It was a struggle for her to let go of even a very small amount of money.

I don’t want to be accused of subjective “character assassination” here, but just consider the mere fact that in my two years’ stay in the company, she has had four Personal Assistants and none of them stayed beyond four months – an Iraqi, a Lebanese, an Indian, and a Romanian. The position is still vacant up to the present. Among us psychologist, four have resigned, despite the slim prospect of finding another similar job here – two Indians (male and female), a South African, and a Lebanese. There is a famous book titled “Emotional Vampires: Dealing with people who drain you dry” by bestselling author Albert Bernstein, Ph.D. to describe people with personality disorders. I believe Edna falls into this category.

I wanted to return home during my first month, but was told I had to pay back for the plane ticket. I would also be asked to pay for my employment visa if I leave before completion of one year. And so, although I felt trapped, I decided to stay. I now have somehow a vicarious experience of the Hebrew people’s slavery in Egypt in the Old Testament.

Yesterday (May 11, 2007), I attended the first talk in the Christian Life Program of the Couples for Christ here in Dubai titled “God’s Love” and the speaker, Bro. Leo compared our trials in our daily lives to the dirt that enters the oyster in the sea. It is painfully irritating and annoying, but to cope, the oyster enfolds the dirt with its saliva and in due time, transforms it into pearl! It s a beautiful image of God’s love transforming the chosen people’s sufferings into gems. The courage and conviction with which I write these biographical entries is just a proof of the inner transformation that I have been going through like the oyster, or like the butterfly coming out if it’s dark and narrow cocoon. That is why I call my appointed “time” here in Dubai “my desert experience” – literally and figuratively.

In my two years of stay here in Dubai, so far, my daily (more or less) private praying of the Holy Rosary has been a major coping or survival mechanism, unwinding me from stress, keeping me relaxed – physically, psychologically, and spiritually.

I do not have the space here to go into details about the many confrontational “encounters” I had with my boss, but let me just cite an incident that highlights Mary’s continuing role in my life as a protector from all forms of evil and deception. This incident is what actually prompted me to write these series of biographical entries on the role of the Blessed Mother in my life so far.

The last psychologist to just resign (it was her last day yesterday, May 12, 2007) revealed to me very recently that as soon as she came, she was informed by our boss how she disliked me and destroyed my reputation to my colleague-to-be. However, as soon as this new colleague came to the office, she saw the image of our Blessed Mother with the Infant Jesus on her arms on the wall of my office table (my picture on the left side of this blogspot is from my desk here) and started to take all she heard about me with a grain of salt. This colleague is also a Christian (a Maronite Catholic) and has a great respect for the Blessed Mother and the holy images I have on my desk. Although we became enemies along the way, we are parting as friends, after having discovered the truth behind the lies.

I have already informed my boss that I am leaving her own consultancy firm. In the process, I have uncharacteristically told her face-to-face: "I have an issue with your personality" in a calm and steady voice despite my rage and fear inside. I mark this as a BREAKTHROUGH in my personality development as I am characteristically passive or passive-aggressive rather than assertive. After 16 long years of professional life, this is the first time I gave a boss what I believe she truly and truthfully needed to hear and what I and my colleagues have been wanting to tell her but were afraid to because of her "volcanic" temper. This is the best way I know of breaking the cycle of trauma and abuse in a relationship in this context between an abuser and a victim of verbal and psychological abuse. A favorite psychotherapist author, Charles Whitfield, MD (1987) said: "To get free from mistreatment, we usually need to get angry. (p. 103) We do so not with aggressiveness, but with assertiveness. (p. 105)"

Oh, if you want to know what my abusive boss said in reply, she spontaneously reacted, this time without a rage: "My personality will prevail!" And that, coming from a Clinical Psychologist!

Truly, I have proven once again through this experience that the TRUTH will set us free (John 8:32). If only for this liberating personal anecdote, my "desert experience" in Dubai would have been a worthwhile physical and psychospiritual journey. I therefore hereby mark Dubai as the place where I found once again, my VOICE -- my dignity, my humanity, my spirituality, my True Self. Taas noo, Filipino!

Our Lady, Mary, Mediatrix of All Grace, pray for us.

MY LIFE WITH MARY (IX)

Part III: Mediatrix of All Grace

“He has helped his servant Israel, in remembrance of his mercy,” – Luke 1:54

Application (3): My Long-standing Love Affair with Psychology

In September of 1988, I started with excitement and enthusiasm my PhD studies in Counseling Psychology. This was my first year of “life in the world” outside the religious life, as I just “resigned” from my Overseas Training Program in Taiwan and as my status as a temporarily professed religious in the SVD (Society of the Divine Word). Having no money of my own to start with, I asked my parents for financial support. Later, I applied for partial scholarship from the University. Then, in 1994, when I was accepted as a University Counselor, my tuition fees were then finally subsidized.

I started as a full-time student taking up 15 units of core master’s level subjects in Counseling because my master’s degree was in Philosophy. I enjoyed every bit of it because this was the inner desire of my heart.

In 1979, when I first left the seminary after graduating from High School, I applied at the University of the Philippines in Diliman (where everyone wanted to go, being the premier university in the country) for an undergraduate Psychology program. Since this was a quota course (as it was being used as a pre-medical degree), my entrance test scores and High School grades were not enough to reach the cut-off score and so, I followed the Registrar’s suggestion of initially taking up an “AB General” program which was offered during that time, which was only good for Freshmen students. After my one year of “culture shock,” being a tender-minded introvert suddenly thrown on my own in the big wide world, I retreated back to my comfortable “shell” in the “safe walls” of the seminary. A schoolmate at that time compared the university to a jungle where only the fittest survive! I guess I was not among the “fittest” in terms of personality.

Anyway, I just mentioned this here to trace back my long-standing love affair with the art and science of Psychology. My mother was even hypothesizing at that time that I just wanted to take up Psychology to better understand myself. Well, that may be true, but I also wanted to understand other people and be in a position to help them psychologically.

My love affair with Psychology got rekindled when I was taking up my Bachelor’s degree in Philosophy at the Divine Word Seminary in Tagaytay (1983-1985). Fr. Faustino Maramot, who had a master’s degree in Guidance and Counseling from De La Salle University – Manila, was our teacher in “Mental Health.” We used the book “Theories of Personality” as out textbook. I realized I was enjoying every bit of the course. In contrast to studying Philosophy which I felt was “heady,’ Psychology appealed more to intuition and the emotions of the heart. I realized I could absorb the concepts almost effortlessly and could explain them in my own words even without memorizing the technical terms. This experience was an instance that connected me once again with my “real self”. I was doing very well in Philosophy academically; but, I was falling in love with Psychology. I must have felt that this course spoke directly to my heart and to what was probably deep down hidden somewhere else.

Charles Whitfield, MD (1987), a psychotherapist in Atlanta, speaks about the “real self” (the “Child Within” each of us) in contrast to the “false” or “co-dependent” self which dependently gets its identity form others like parents and authority figures. He defines the real self (the “Child Within”) as “that part of each of us which is ultimately alive, energetic, creative and fulfilled; it is … who we are” (p. 1).

My change of life status and career course is connected with this simple but profound ongoing self-discovery that I feel more “real” studying Psychology compared to Philosophy. I still like Philosophy, but I use it now in the service of understanding both my profession as a psychologist and my faith and spirituality as a Catholic.

Aside from Fr. Maramot, I had two other very good professors in Psychology at the Divine Word Seminary in Tagaytay who further triggered my Real Self and inspired me indirectly to pursue this life career that I have chosen: Fr. Robert “Bob” Mallonee, SVD, PhD and Rose Marie Salazar-Clemeña, PhD. To have professors with PhDs teaching the “secular” sciences in the seminary is rare, even to this day. But Divine Providence must have arranged it that I experience learning from both of them not only theoretically but experientially as well. Fr. Bob became my psychotherapist for about a year until I left for my Overseas Training Program in Taiwan. The insights he led me to realize 20 years earlier (!), I just recently re-visited and confirmed while reading John Bradshaw’s bestselling book Family Secrets (1995). It’s really amazing how Divine Providence works with the Blessed Mother. About 10 years back, I had the rare privilege of being actively involved in a Payatas (Quezon City) parish run by the Missionaries of Our Lady of Divine Providence. Mary mediates and attracts Divine Providence (again cf.: The Wedding at Cana, Jn 2:1-12).

Anyway, as “fate” would have it, I met Ma’am Rose again in La Salle in 1988 as Chair of the Post-Graduate Counseling Programs. She accepted me in the PhD program, after passing the exams, on the condition that I gain some counseling experience while studying. Again, I believe that Divine Providence led me to Dr. Thelma Abiva, then Chair of the Guidance and Counseling Program at the University of the Philippines in Diliman, in order to satisfy this counseling experience requirement. I was searching for a copy of the local Ethical Standards for Counselors for a course requirement and made an appointment with Dr. Abiva in her office. Out of the blue, she informed me that there was an opening at the UP Integrated School High School Department for a Guidance Counselor position. That was the start of my professional career in Counseling Psychology.

Since I was already working full-time, I became a part-time graduate student. At this time, I also started becoming an “adolescent” (“nagbibinata” in Filipino), a developmental phase I sort of missed while being in the seminary, and explored exclusive relationships with members of the opposite sex. This, together with the fast-paced trimestral system of La Salle and the inherent difficulty and need for time to comply with course requirements of some subjects contributed to my experiencing academic failures for the first time in my life! And, for one who graduated summa cum laude in Philosophy, that was a big blow to my ego. In fact, I was starting to have doubts as to whether I could really finish the long program. My self-esteem was at one of its lowest levels at this time.

The subjects I failed due to inability to submit course requirements on time were Research Methods II and Marital and Family Therapy. I had difficulty with social science research because my background is Philosophy where we only did archival research without statistics. And, since I tend to be a perfectionist and an idealist (still am!), not wanting to submit something I was not convinced was quality work according to my personal standards, I passive-aggressively allowed the one year grace period to lapse which effectively disqualified me from graduating with honors, for which I was a candidate based on my current grade point average at that time. Furthermore, since our teacher in Marital and Family Therapy, the late Dr. Margaret Sawin, was a guest professor from the US and had to leave right after the course, I had no chance to complete the term paper requirement according to the usual academic policy.

And since having two course failures amounted to being dropped from the program, I appealed for reconsideration. Dr. Salud Evangelista, who was our Associate Dean at then, fully supported me. As all graduate students in the Department know, she is always supportive! Thank you very much, Ma’am Sally! You’re one of a kind! I believe it was providential again that she was where she was during that time. I was again encouraged by her presence in my dissertation proposal defense in 1999 and in my final defense in 2006. As far as I can recall, she was the only one who verbally gave positive feedback about my work. And, that was enough to buoy me up amidst the critical appraisal of all the other panelists, as would be expected of a dissertation defense. As of this writing, she is already in wheel chair and I pray to God to continue to bless her with love, peace, and contentment in this life and the next. That is how long it took me to write my “obra maestra”!

My original dissertation topic in my Research class was on Child Abuse. However, since at least two graduate students have already written on the topic in the meantime, I shifted to Paternal Nurturance. I was already a father of two at this time and having attended the workshop on Reparenting the Child Within and based on my personal intuition of what I felt I missed while growing up, I chose this novel, cutting-edge research topic. In my Research Methods II retake class under Dr. Rose Salazar-Clemeña, two of us (both fathers!) picked up the topic on Filipino Fathers. La Salle Psychology faculty member Bob Mendoza tackled the qualitative (phenomenological) aspect, while I did the quantitative (statistical) side.

Again, I consider my PhD a “miraculous” triumph of God’s undying love through Mama Mary because, as I narrated above, I failed in both Research Methods and Marital and Family Therapy classes and here I was doing heavy statistical research (test construction using factor analysis all by myself!) for the first time in my life and in the area of Family research!

In 1999, I had to change mentor because Dr. Joal Reyes obtained a research grant in Japan. The occasion pushed me to defend my proposal a few weeks before he flew to Japan! I prayed earnestly to God in the small chapel in La Salle to lead me to the “right” mentor. All of a sudden, the name of Dr. Alexa Priela-Abrenica popped up in my mind. The rest is history. Thank you, Ma’am Alexa for your undying patience through the years.

I also thank Dr. Melissa Lopez-Reyes, who has a rare double PhD in Statistics and Psychology from the Ohio State University (a Balik-Scientist Scholar of the Philippine Government, as far as I know) for much needed guidance in my “favorite” subject Statistics! Honestly, I fell in love with Statistics while doing my dissertation especially when I realized that numbers had “life” in them since if I move one number, the rest of the equation or table will move accordingly as a system, like a living organism. Amazing! This was my statistical “eureka”! Now, I actively encourage my children to love Math, too.

My silent partners in my academic journey were my colleagues at the Counseling Office at the College of Liberal Arts, fellow Counselors Mrs. Regina “Regs” Andrade-Munson and Mrs. Marissa “Mars” Caluyong-Pascual. Regs, who is the most “spiritual” among us, always understood that I was taking time (years) writing my dissertation most probably because God was making me experience what I was writing about. He was helping me “incarnate” the “word” from my dissertation into my life as a father. In retrospect, that makes a lot of sense, Regs. Thanks for your prophetic words.

That leads me to our common spiritual companion and guide, Ate Baby Dirige who prayed over me and my papers (the manual of my instrument) before my final defense. It proved to be providential because a figure that was unwittingly missing in my dissertation had a copy in the manual which Dr. Mel Reyes pointed out to the panel during my final defense. God, indeed, works in mysteriously loving and caring ways.

My heartfelt thanks also goes to the late Sr. Jose Bagtas, ICM, PhD, our professor in Projective Techniques and Rorschach I and II who continued to serve God and his people by teaching us at that time despite her Parkinson’s disease and the pain and suffering it brought her. You are an example of commitment and service to me, Sister. I remember handing over her glass of water when it was time for her to take her medicines while we held classes at the sisters’ library at St. Theresa’s College. In the long process of writing my dissertation, a fellow graduate student priest suggested we pray for her intercession to the Lord for the success of our academic endeavors. We are all connected in spirit and the love of God.

I also acknowledge and honor the late Bro. William “Bill” Garvery, FSC, EdD, who encouraged me and my colleague, Lolong to finish our PhDs amidst our impending termination as he said it would help us in our life beyond La Salle. Well-loved Brother Bill, thank you! You are also an image of perpetual optimism to me with your perennial winsome smile! Please continue to pray for us in the life hereafter. May your words become “prophetic”.

When I was terminated in my job as University Counselor at the College of Liberal Arts which I held for nine long years, I tried working full-time on my dissertation which was already in the writing stage. However, since it was taking up too much time and needed a third revision, I found work in the meantime. I was just too exhausted and frustrated at this point to even look at my research work. I was working till in the wee hours of the morning for days on end to be free of distractions from my kids and my wife Carol was telling me to give myself a break. Until, this job opportunity in Dubai came.

I finally got my act together during my first year of my work as an Overseas Filipino Worker here in Dubai, after settling down in my work. I had all the time after office to myself. I reduced the original 250 pages or so to only its half since my mentor’s main comment was that it was too long!

During my one-month paid annual vacation leave from Dubai, I finally defended my “historic” (“makasaysayan” in Filipino) dissertation on April 4, 2006 at Conference Room B of the St. La Salle Building. I thank the supportive presence of my colleagues who were not on vacation at that time, Joey Alejo and Ennan Abellaneda (both are ex-seminarians like myself!). Special mention goes to Ms. Daryl Pimentel, a colleague, who was my “official liaison officer” to my mentor while I was sending through email my revised chapters from Dubai one at a time, as well as to Dr. Susan Estanislao, a colleague also, who paid my tuition fees and processed my enrollment papers for me (I chose her to do this because of her famous efficiency).

I’d also like to thank all my other dissertation panel members for cooperating: Dr. Carmelita Pabiton, Dr. Natividad Dayan, and Dr. Nancy Rayos. Special mention goes to one content expert, Dr. Jasmin Acuña of UP-Diliman and Miriam College, a nationally-awarded researcher, who challenged me to write the items in Filipino to make the instrument I was developing truly indigenous. Again, I think it is not a coincidence that 20 years back in 1979, Dr. Acuña was my Freshman “Introduction to Psychology” professor at UP-Diliman (though I had to remind her so).

Last but not least, I’d like to heartily thank my ever-supportive wife Carol for doing all the rush leg work leading up to the approval of my final dissertation copy to beat the deadline last May 12, 2007. With my encouragement, she took the plane (for the first time!) all the way to Davao (southernmost major island of the Philippines) to get the signature of my mentor who was already on summer break.

Finally, all throughout my graduate studies, especially my 19-year-long (1988-2007) PhD journey, the Woman who was behind it all was Our Lady, Mary, Mediatrix of All Grace. I dedicated my dissertation to her (as reflected in the Dedication page) for the following reasons:
(1) to help me keep the servant attitude of total surrender (“Totus Tuus”) to His will (“I am the maid servant of the Lord.” – Luke 1:38),
(2) to remind me that without God, I am really nothing and I can do nothing (“...’For mortals it is impossible, but … for God all things are possible.’” – Mk 10:27)
(3) to ensure that the glory in the fruits of my labors goes to God and not to my selfish aims (“Ad maiorem Dei gloriam” – the Jesuit motto prominently written on the wall of my Elementary Alam Mater, St. Jude Catholic School of Legaspi), and
(4) to be guided in the right use of my research output, i.e., for the good of self, family, and others.

Writing these reasons explicitly in detail here was an enlightening, self-awareness enhancing and values clarifying exercise. Publishing it here makes it a public proclamation and a “binding” act. I hope to be continually reminded by who I really am and what I was meant to be through this, my Marian spirituality. As our famous Filipino saying goes, “Ang hindi marunong lumingon sa pinaggalinan ay hindi makararating sa paroroonan” (lose translation: One who doesn’t know how to look back to where one originated cannot reach one’s destination.).

“And blessed is she who believed that there would be a fulfillment of what was spoken to her by the Lord.” – Luke 1:45